I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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