i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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