just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
well you can't waste a boner
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
