yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
