the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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