Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
