I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
