she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
