so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
