I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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