i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
