I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
