4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
