you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
