What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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