I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
