Don't you send me to vm
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
