I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
