Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
