Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
