Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
