yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
