He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
