i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
