I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
