All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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