i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
