You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
