Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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