I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
