dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
