I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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