Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
