i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
