Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
