Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
