is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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