Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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