If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
