I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
