I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
