I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
