idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
