onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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