even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
