just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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