yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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