things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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