I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Randomize
