I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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