your parents love me but you hate me
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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