I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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