I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
